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A Brief History of Humans & Gnomes

Did you know that in the 12th century German monks used gnome-sniffing dogs to find gnomes and obtain their boysenberry and mushroom pie recipes? The most common breed of gnome-sniffing dog was the Bullenbeiser, a now-extinct dog-breed, whose name translates as "finder of them with the small pointy hats."




The dogs were raised to have a gentle disposition so as not to harm the gnomes once they were caught during the annual gnome hunt when aristocrats would blow their conch-shell horns and sally forth into the woods with Bullenbeisers and wicker baskets. Usually, once a gnome was caught they were kept as a family pet and/or trusted advisor for the next 60 days and then ceremoniously let go on Gnome Release Day (it was bad luck to keep a gnome past Gnome Release Day).


Children would build elaborate, ornate homes to prepare for the "catch" that their parents would bring home (unlike nowadays, where people purchase prefabricated gnome homes close together on lots in tract housing and suburban gnome subdivisions). During their stay with their human hosts, gnomes would bake pies, tame rabbits and squirrels, dance merry jigs whilst playing the crumhorn, put on small mammal shows, and suggest stocks, mutual funds and other investment options (gnomes are the world's best financial planners). All in all, getting caught wasn't so bad for the gnomes.



Humans were under a lot of pressure to treat the gnomes well, for if they mistreated their small guests the gnome might sneeze on them, bake a sourberry pie, suggest investing in a poorly preforming stock or bitcoin, or worst of all...go home early, which was sure to cause great shame and much gossip in both the human and gnome communities when it happened.




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